Keris RIP

Nov. 13th, 2011 09:57 pm
demoneyes_phil: (Default)
[personal profile] demoneyes_phil
As it happens, I'd seen quite a lot of Keris this last year.  He and I were both amongst the rashly curious bunch who were letting Marilisa give them some Greek lessons.  And both of us were also in Rika's backing band for her DFDF guest spots which meant, whatever it was, three or four weekend rehearsals for the 4 of us up in Peterborough.  Plus of course the UK filkcon and DFDF and SWiGGLes and BBQ parties.  So in a sense I suppose I was lucky in getting to know him a bit better in this last time we could have together.  But of course that also makes it all hurt the more - therein always lies the rub, I guess.

Which may explain why one particular passage from one of David Weber's books, one which stuck in my mind when I first read it, has just kept running through my mind again and again since the shock of yesterday:

"He was aware not only of how much he loved his companions but also of how fragile they were.  Of how fragile all of them were, even himself, and of how terribly it would hurt to lose any of them.  He saw the stark price of love more clearly in that instant than he ever had before...

The price of loss.  The knowledge that, in the end, he must lose anyone he loved...  Yet it wasn't a depressing awareness, for the pain he would feel if he lost his loved ones was the other side of how much joy he took from their company.  He could avoid the pain only by renouncing the joy and the trust and the knowledge that he was not alone, and building that sort of armour around his core would simply be a different sort of death."

It's not a nice pain - of course it isn't.  And the shock and horrible soul-shaking sense of surprise and disbelief go very deep.  But I guess in a weird sense it's also a good pain, a pain there simply wouldn't be if he hadn't been such a good friend to us, a pain that shows just how much he meant.  A pain that shows just how big is the hole he'll now leave in our community - in our found-family.

Memories stir and race around.  His buying (memory says) no less than 7 black Obliter-8 t-shirts because, well, they were black and he liked them.  Of the way, erm, he could sometimes, erm, take a while to get to the, erm, end of his sentence - and wondering how much worse this must be when he was speaking in German and folk were still waiting for the verb!  Of the fun arrangements we put together for Rika, especially the harmonied Still Catch the Tide and the minimally rehearsed Katzenjammer and completely unrehearsed encore numbers!   Of the Filkcontinental tech desk where there could be a veritable cascade of dangling cables (I have a photo somewhere I'll have to find and post!).  Of the legendary untidiness of his abode and the equally legendary "tidying parties" that occasionally resulted.  Of the tech tear-downs at Filkcontinental as a regular crew would pitch in to help Keris and co get the stuff unrigged, packed and shuttled down to the cars/vans.  Of the endless silly digressions in Greek lessons as our "so what's the word for..." curiosities would be recklessly indulged by our giggling teacher.  Of Phoenix sets where we'd almost feel guilty for the workload we were putting on him were it not for the obvious fact of just how much he was enjoying every moment of being able to tech a rock band.  Of his vast and eclectic store of random knowledge and his delight in furthering it.  Of just how many people he encouraged into filk or to develop in filk.  And of the sheer amount of work, money, time and enthusiasm he put into making our community better for all of us.

I think intellectually many of us think we know how big a hole he'll now leave.  I fear we're going to find it'll be larger than that.  And I'm sure it'll feel even bigger still...

Date: 2011-11-13 10:31 pm (UTC)
ext_12246: (Dunkel)
From: [identity profile]
I wish I'd known him that well.

But how much of this is applicable to my memories of [ profile] dunkelpig!

Date: 2011-11-13 10:40 pm (UTC)
madfilkentist: Photo of Carl (Johann)
From: [personal profile] madfilkentist
When I went out walking this afternoon, I set my iPod on shuffle. The first song that came up was Tom Smith's "Online Ghost," which I hastily skipped as soon as I realized what it was. Later on "Precious Moments" came up. It was painful, but I listened through it. As you said about that kind of pain...

Date: 2011-11-14 09:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I recall the phrase he used to describe the organisation of material at his home: "multiple random access stacks."


demoneyes_phil: (Default)

May 2012


Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 22nd, 2017 08:03 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios